Alone
by Clez
Summary: Haven't you ever just felt utterly alone?


ALONE  
  
  
  
"Why do I always feel so different?  
  
She sat by herself in the mess hall, her hands hovering over her laptop's keyboard, just trying to think of something to type. This new theory of hers on the reintegration process was taking her some time. Time that she could be using to do other things, like study that alien device, the one that had allowed them to see into their alternate reality.  
  
Her eyes travelled slowly around the room, and she saw the groups of about two or three officers and technicians sitting at tables, eating their food, and drinking their drinks.  
  
Sergeant Siler himself sat at a table not too far from her, laughing at one of his friend's jokes, and sipping at a coffee.  
  
But there she sat, on her own, with her glass of apple juice, and her jello. It was red, and topped with a cherry. She hadn't sampled it yet, and the long spoon just sat by the side of the jello, tempting her.  
  
But still, she did not taste it. She just stared at it, and then sighed.  
  
She quite often ate alone, just thinking, and eating her dinner, drinking her coffee. Then, afterwards, she would wander to the showers, and go see if she could tend to some of her work before going off to bed for the evening.  
  
It was the same old routine. Well, it was true that occasionally, the odd crisis popped up for her to worry about, and try to solve.  
  
Her and Daniel had always worked on the problems together, pooling their collective knowledge to try and knock the problem right on the head.  
  
That didn't happen anymore. Not with his 'ascension'. It was all the same to her... he was still gone. And he wouldn't be coming back. Nothing could change that.  
  
She knew Jonas was a capable replacement, but in all fairness, that was all he was... a replacement. When he was there, she knew Daniel was gone, and it always saddened her in such a way that her body felt like it was going to tear apart. Her heart ached, and she just wanted to break down and sob.  
  
And be alone.  
  
Ever since Daniel had left, she had been more alone than she had felt in a long while. She hadn't been so lonely since high school, and that had been quite a while ago now. They had always picked on her at school, called her a geek, a brainiac. It had upset her, and she had taken refuge anywhere she could, hiding out in the library on her own, working on her assignments, getting them done early.  
  
She knew it wasn't the same here. She had good friends, in the form of O'Neill, Teal'c, and Jonas. Janet as well, but she didn't see the doctor as much as she did the others.  
  
Then why did she always end up on her own?  
  
She knew perfectly well why it was.  
  
She was a woman... the girl. And she was the only one on the team. That was what singled her out. It had been touched on before in many missions. It always made her feel so different, and even though she most definitely was different, she didn't like to feel that way.  
  
She didn't like it pointed out.  
  
Major Samantha Carter sighed another heavy sigh, and stabbed at her jello, closing the lid on her laptop.  
  
She knew Daniel had felt the same way... only that was different. His was simply because of his fountain of knowledge that had dwarfed everyone else's. He had known so much, and it had intimidated people. He hadn't intended to scare people off with what he knew, but it had happened nevertheless.  
  
And so it was with Sam.  
  
The countless times Colonel O'Neill had stopped her short in the middle of an explanation... it annoyed her.  
  
Just try not to think about it, she told herself, poking the jello with her spoon, and then removing the cherry with her free hand.  
  
Daniel wouldn't want her to feel so lonely, so overlooked. He would tell her she wasn't, and in his own special way, he would look at her, and all her troubles would disappear, as though they had never existed.  
  
She missed him so much, and she just wanted to see him across the table from her now, reading one of his books.  
  
With another sigh, she forced a small smile, and popped the cherry into her mouth.  
  
She suddenly didn't feel so bad, as she chewed the sweet little fruit.  
  
Sam knew then that as long as she remembered him, Daniel would always be there to comfort her, in spirit, if not in his biological form, the one she had loved seeing every day. And even though that was gone, buried, something of the true Daniel Jackson still remained... and that brought her some small consolation. As long as something remained... something of the best friend she had ever had...  
  
She knew she would never truly be alone. 


End file.
